I am a Step-Mom and damn good one too! When I meet other mothers and it comes out that I'm just the Step Mom inevitable their tone changes. Some women get down right rude. Others just stop caring like I dont matter to the situation. There's always an "Ohh..." to be heard.
For years I've just smiled and been polite and gone and fumed later. Now I tend to have a less than civil response that sounds something like: "Yes I'm their Step-mother. I have been since they were toddlers. We have split time, every other week. And yeah their mom and I aren't friends but we do get along because she knows how much I love them and take care of them. If you and your husband every split you should be so lucky that he remarries a woman like me who would die (or kill!) for your kids and not end up with some woman that we've alllll heard the horror stories about!"
I hear "I'm sorry! I didn't mean..." and "Oh you're right... I hadn't thought of that..." Regardless, I get them thinking.
So to the point of this post.... I get asked about our schedule all the time and how the kids are able to keep up with it. I've tried a lot of different ways over the years and this is the final solution that's working for us. Its a simple calendar in our kitchen that hides in the pantry on the back of the door. It is hung on a command hook and the pen sits in the top. I have re-positionable stickers (blue for one house and red for the other) that we can move around when necessary. We only write major events (holidays, birthdays, parties, recitals etc) so that its not cluttered. This seems to work for us.
You can see here that October was an off balance month for us and some things has to be moved around. We had a Block Party to go to as well. The kids mark of the days as they pass so they can keep up.